Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Papa Papa New Guinea

  The Van Man had a callback for Heineken. He had been on "strong avail", which was industry speak for "You're the white guy and we have a black dude, an Asian dude and an Hispanic dude we are considering." The ones in charge decided to go in a different direction and wanted Van Man to play drunk. If he booked, Van Man would make some good bread and the commercial would air for a year in Papa New Guinea. He knew he should have been excited, but it did not mean much to him. Callbacks were a dime a dozen and booking seemed a million miles away. But maybe...
  Maybe Van Man would book the Heineken commercial and he would then take the money and travel to Papa New Guinea. They ain't got much there, he thought to himself. He imagined himself as he arrived. He wore a white three-piece suit and wide-brimmed hat. A gold chain dangled from his vest pocket. He walked down the dirt roads of Papa New Guinea. The tribespeople looked at him and stared. They watched The Van Man as he coolly strolled down their main road. The kids no longer played in the field as he passed by. They stared and whispered and ran off to get their parents. Van Man walked into the Papa New Guinea General Store. Up and down the aisles he went. The Tribespeople stared in awe. Van Man walked up to the register with his item and handed over a ten dollar bill to the clerk. "Keep the change", said Van Man. He walked outside into the sun and greeted the gathered crowd. He smiled big and wide. Van Man popped the top to his cold Heineken and guzzled the refreshment. High above Van Man, on top of the Papa New Guinea General Store, was the town's only billboard. On it, Van Man smiled and held a bottle of Heineken. He finished his beer and smiled at the crowd. They went crazy with joy. The Van Man would be a god in Papa New Guinea.
  But he would have to book first. And there were a million miles between the callback and the booking. There was not much to think about. Heineken was big and he was small. But being a god in Papa New Guinea, that excited The Van Man.

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