Monday, November 30, 2015


  Smart people had made smart phones. And The Van Man had one. It was Sunday and the van pulled into the library parking lot. A black man sat in a car two spaces over and stared at him as he parked. Probably thinks I live in this, thought Van Man as he stretched out over the front seats and laid back. There was half an hour to wait until the place was open, so he figured he would use the smartness of his phone and look at pornography. Van Man never found much to do on Sunday mornings.
  His plan was not to masturbate, there were too many people waiting in their vehicles. Van Man just wanted to get the blood up. But who knows? I might find somethin' real good, he thought. Van Man always had a plan.
  His fingers delicately scrolled the face of the phone. In a search engine, he typed the words "couple watching themselves fuck". Van Man was a man of certain tastes. He knew what he liked and did not play around. A list of videos popped up. It did not take long for Van Man to find a clip that suited him. He watched for a few minutes and adjusted the volume up and down. The moans and groans from the video fluctuated in loudness. After a while, he grew bored and viewed a different video, one suggested by the site. A few more minutes passed and he realized it was time for the library to open. His blood was up fine and he could face the rest of the day. Van Man sat up and was shocked to find The Staring Man standing outside his car, looking at him with a smile. Van Man looked away in horror. His own windows were down the whole time. It seemed The Staring Man had been listening to Van Man's lustful excursion. And he wanted in on it. Whatever hard-on the Van Man had was gone. He fake-dialed a phone number and pretended to speak with a friend. It was the only thing he could think of to offset the embarrassing strangeness of the situation. Staring Man just stood there. Staring and waiting.
  The pretend conversation ended and Van Man rolled up his windows. He locked the doors and walked into the library. Staring Man crept back into his own car. After an hour, Van Man walked back out to his van. The Staring Man was gone. He got tired of waiting.
  The van rolled out of the lot and down the road. Smart people had made smart phones. And Van Man was not one of them. Had he learned a lesson from the weird situation? Probably not. Except for one thing. The Van Man knew to close the windows before he got his blood up.

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